dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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