Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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