But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
