We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
