just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I will pee on everything he values.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
