My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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