I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
