last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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