so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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