he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
