The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
