So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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