I wish I could teleport
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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