i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
