we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
