Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
