Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
