It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
