in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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