So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
