Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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