He kissed a someone with a penis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
