stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My feet surprised me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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