And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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