i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
