Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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