Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
