I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize