I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
