even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He did a backflip because drugs
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