break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
