I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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