my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
