i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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