Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
