Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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