He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
