Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
