when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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