what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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