Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
