Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
