Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
