yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
