You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
