I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize