I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
