Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
