And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
