Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
