were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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