I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
