I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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