Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
