drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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