you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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