hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
