it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
