shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
