Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
