is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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