How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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