I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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