mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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