I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
