My first STD was from a foam party
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Green mimosas i think yes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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