I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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