I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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