Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize