I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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