I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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